17 July 2025 | Hosted by Apple Teoh | With contributions by Kalsum Harun
What does it look like to raise and educate a neurodiverse teenager at home? How do we hold the tension between loving acceptance and the very real need to prepare our children for an independent future?
This Library Chapters session, hosted by Apple Teoh, who invited Kalsum Harun to contribute, brought together parents of neurodiverse teenagers to reflect, share, and find courage together. Grounded in lived experience and honest conversation, the session explored what it means to parent and homeschool a neurodiverse child beyond the primary school years and into the threshold of adulthood.
Apple is a homeschooling mother of three young adults. She educates both neurotypical and neurodiverse children at home. Her two older children attained their American High School qualifications before continuing their studies overseas. Her youngest child currently attends the Little U Micro School. Learn more at appleteoh.wordpress.com.
Kalsum Harun is a homeschooling mother of three, who began homeschooling as an extension of parenting after leaving her civil service role in policy and legislative development. A writer and researcher at heart, she now leads homeschoolsingapore.sg and co-initiated the Homeschool Library Chapters with Grace Tan, nurturing a culture of shared learning and community within Singapore’s homeschool movement.
Apple Teoh
Keynote Speaker, Homeschool Convention, 2017
Compulsory Education Talk, 2019, 2021-22
Guest Speaker, “Special Education Needs Homeschooling,” Critical Perspectives in Education Module, NTU, 2022
Kalsum Harun
Keynote Speaker, Homeschool Convention, 2020
Keynote Teacher, Homeschool Convention (Asia Edition), 2022
Guest Speaker, “From Preschool Homeschool to High School Homeschool,” Critical Perspectives in Education Module, NTU, 2022
Apple’s Open Book: Let Them Walk Their Own Path
Apple opened the session warmly — literally. She welcomed participants to nourishing food she had lovingly prepared and offered a gentle but important reminder: as much as we want to sacrifice for our children, we must also take care of ourselves.
She invited participants to introduce themselves and share what education means to them. As parents reflected together, they found themselves examining their own mindsets toward their neurodiverse children, and ultimately answering, for themselves, one foundational question: Do I believe in the potential of my child?
Apple has shared extensively about her journey with a neurodiverse child, including in the first Library Chapter, where she explored the importance of being a safe parent. For this session, the lens shifted to children aged 13 and above, to the teenager who is growing rapidly in ways we may not always immediately recognise, and to a question that becomes newly urgent in these years: are we making enough room for them to grow in the ways that truly matter?
Read: Believing in Our Neurodiverse Children (ages 0-12 years old)
“Do I believe in the potential of my child?” – Apple Teoh
Life Skills for the Growing Teenager
As our neurodiverse children move into their teenage years, Apple highlighted two life skills that grow in importance:
- An evolving understanding of what it means to live with others in the home, that is rooted in a willingness to help and serve one another.
- A willingness to work with one’s hands, which is a foundational skill and a precursor to doing well in hands-on contexts.
Three Children, Three Pathways
Apple has three children, and her educational approach differs significantly for each; a living illustration that no two children learn the same way.
- First child (neurotypical): Took a direct academic route and proceeded straight into Advanced Placement (AP) examinations.
- Second child (diagnosed with ADHD in her teens): Apple initially tried the same approach. It took time and honest reflection to understand her second child’s different disposition and to identify her academic interests.
- Third child (Down Syndrome): The goals were defined differently. For her third child, these were basic numeracy and logic, literacy, and the ability to travel independently using whatever devices or modes of transport she is comfortable with. Little U’s program, which focuses on character and skills development, has been a key part of her journey.
Principles for the Road Ahead
Apple’s conviction for this season of parenting is clear: we must get out of the way enough to let our children walk their own path, while staying close enough that they can find their way back when they need to.
- Let your children walk their path and make mistakes. Be a safe place they can return to. We cannot download the wisdom of experience into them. We can only guide and wait. Apple is already seeing the fruits of this in her neurotypical son, who is in his mid-twenties.
- Risk-taking is a good thing. Some personalities are naturally more inclined toward it. The Chinese idiom 废寝忘食 (fèi qǐn wàng shí) — to neglect sleep and forget food — describes the absorbed, wholehearted dedication that comes when a person is truly passionate about something. A useful question to put to your child: Can your interest become your job?
- Don’t lock yourself into timelines or the modalities of your own upbringing. It may feel slow when you have a goal in mind that your child has not yet reached, but the pace must be the child’s.
- Choosing a path does not mean staying on it. Apple’s eldest son attended school for a while after his PSLE. He enjoyed the social aspects but found the academic environment stifling, which curtailed his creativity and initiative. Apple wanted him to engage at a deeper, more specialised level. They changed course. And that was the right call.
Other Important Considerations
- Outdoor activity and physical awareness are especially important for neurodiverse children. Something as simple as working out before studying can make a significant difference.
- Cognitive social skills are part of the curriculum, too, and they take intentional cultivation.
- Husband and wife need to agree. Children will test the stability of the parental relationship and ultimately depend on it.
- Find good friends who know who you are and will support you. Community matters for parents, too.
“Acceptance must always be there, although this is not always approval.” – Apple Teoh
Kalsum’s Open Book: A Longer Runway
Kalsum shared her journey of homeschooling a neurodiverse son, who is diagnosed with ADHD and dyspraxia, and whose symptoms would come and go. This variability required the family to develop a heightened awareness of triggers and to remain flexible in their approach.
Seeing All Your Children
A gentle but important reminder Kalsum offered: our neurotypical children need us too. In the intensity of caring for a neurodiverse child, it can be easy to inadvertently overlook the needs of siblings who seem to be managing just fine.
The Weight of High-Achieving Families
Kalsum was candid about one of the most significant challenges they faced: being part of a family of high achievers. Both she and her son felt the pressure. Neurodiverse children are acutely aware of the world around them. They set expectations for themselves based on what they observe in their families and peers.
When the PSLE Exemption was granted, it sent a clear signal to family and friends that her son needed customised support — a signal that carried its own social weight. Kalsum navigated this with care.
- Being neurodiverse does not preclude a child from pursuing academically rigorous pathways. Kalsum’s son is currently preparing for the International A Levels, studying subjects such as Sociology and Law.
“A lot of things are possible, even for children with special needs.” — Kalsum Harun
Tailoring to Your Child’s Abilities and Interests
Kalsum’s approach has been to give her son wide exposure and then follow where his interests lead:
- Give children exposure to different subjects and different experiences. Academic interests can emerge from unexpected, non-academic routes. Her son’s interest in Psychology, for instance, was first sparked through fiction books.
- When her son expressed a desire to study Psychology, Kalsum and her husband worked backward to understand the prerequisites. To qualify for Psychology at NTU, for example, he would need to score an A in Math at the O Levels. Despite a difficult history with Mathematics at the upper primary level, he woke up every day and did Math as the first order of the day.
- The family chose to give him a longer runway. Primarily, this meant letting her son begin studying for his International A Level earlier, on his own terms and timeline.
- Kalsum sat through several Psychology modules on Coursera alongside her son. Eventually, he discovered that Psychology was not the right fit after all and that Sociology suited him better. This early realisation, in his mid-teens, saved him the heartache of committing fully to a path only to find, in young adulthood, that it wasn’t right.
“Studying and preparation are never in vain. Finding a niche and an identity is the greatest gift you give yourself.” – Kalsum Harun
Social Experiences for Our Children
Kalsum was clear: mainstream school is not the only, or even the primary, means of social development.
- Seek and create alternative sources of social experience. Her son participated in Taekwondo, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and the Homeschool Model United Nations — each offering genuine community and growth.
- A parent’s role is to help their child process their environment and reframe their thinking. What matters most is the parent-child relationship. The child must know they can always return to you when things are not going well.
To the Fear of Shortchanging Our Children
Kalsum addressed a question parents often sit with: Are we preparing our children well enough? She suggested the answer lies in staying genuinely open and creating conditions where children feel safe coming to us with their problems, while still being present enough to notice when they need support they haven’t asked for.
Resources for Neurodiverse Parenting and Schooling
The following resources were shared during the session:
- SPARKS — a key resource Kalsum tapped into in her early years of trying to understand her son’s challenges. She fondly recalls the book-reading sessions with fellow parents of children with ADHD.
- Unlocking ADHD — a community Kalsum joined in its infancy, as a way of paying it forward to other parents. This dynamic community has several programs to help individuals with ADHD, even into adulthood.
- Little U — Apple’s daughter Li-Ann is very involved in this micro school, grounded in a Competency-Based Education framework and now officially a member of the Mastery Transcript Consortium. Under Little U, Apple helped Li-Ann kick-start her portfolio and actively promote her art. Kalsum’s son also benefited from Little U’s Teens program, which helped him step beyond his comfort zone.
- Info Guide: Homeschooling Pathways (Non-Academic Routes) — Kalsum’s own resource to help parents reimagine how they can guide their children, especially those who are differently-abled.
- Blue-Collar Homeschool Facebook Group — an example of how alternative education communities in the West have embraced non-academic routes.
- 42 Singapore — an innovative and inclusive ICT school offering tuition-fee-free training.
Closing Reflection
This session was a reminder that the teenage years, for all parents but especially for parents of neurodiverse children, are a season of active, intentional faith. We cannot predict the path. We cannot rush the pace. But we can create the conditions: establishing safe homes, facilitating honest conversations, giving wide exposure, and offering patient presence — that allow our children to grow into themselves.
Both Apple and Kalsum embodied something quietly radical: the conviction that their children are capable of far more than the world might expect, and the willingness to build an education around that belief.
“Did we not homeschool them so that they can fly?” — Apple Teoh
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